"I'd rather be a hammer than a nail" -- Simon and Garfunkel

How to be Smarter: Protect yourself as you mature. Apple juice and apples protect against cell damage that can hurt your memory as you age, says a University of Massachusetts study. 

How to be Prettier: Go to www.colorandflavorshop.com. Put a tube in every purse, schoolbag, and at your desk at work. No chapped lips. 

How to be (less) Awkward: Don't assume anyone who gained a little weight is pregnant. Unless a baby is actually coming out of the woman, don't congratulate someone on being with child/ask when they are due.